December 2017

Last time I 'just ran with it'
I ended up running away from home
Running away from those who cared
Running towards shining lights
Of a city I didn't want to live in
And now that I've had my time resting these splinted legs
I wonder if true love isn't about running
I wonder if love is meant to be gentle
A peaceful walk, hand in hand
Stopping to skip the rocks along your path
Surely, love isn't a sprint
I believe it is much, much more lasting than that

November sometime, 2017

Softly, oh softly
With your messy eyes
Comb through mine
With your gentle sighs
On your honey lips
Drop my name
Touch my mind
Say sweet things
Softly, oh softly

By the morning
We might lose the feeling
Of static in the dark
So keep this connection
The beat of our hearts

Mind

december 5, 2017

My mind is like a river
Swirling, frothing, plunging
Over rocks and rapids of emotion vs. objectivism
Pushing and playing with the wavering branches of ideas
Which are embedded in the pebbly sand below
Til it breaks free, tumbling in interpretations
Between two boulders, a leaf floats lazily in a circle
Repeating the path it has seen
Along the bend of memories, peat moss grows
Soft and forgiving
Light sparkles on the flicking droplets of curiosity
And the brook breaking off sings of hope downstream

A river is not what it was a month ago
The water flowing on its path
you may never meet again
Through years, course changes with ecosystical shifts
Yet the river is the same river
The one you can spend your summers in
Like the child in you once did
This river is home

December, 2017

I want to share all about me with you
To see a sparkle of wonder in your eyes
That you yourself recognized

But I must tread softly, oh softly
For this heart has been handled
And to look in your face
Might tug at heartstrings
That haven't yet been restitched

November 2017

With a heart like mine you must be cautious not to lose it

To every lovely thought that charms its way into my dreams

I've a heart that sees beauty in the mud 

And I fall for every smile

But casting love like roses down the wedding aisle 

Only gets trampled by those more fortunate than I

August 31, 2017

Reflection of my heartbreak
Standing in front of me
Fractured eyes crying in the soft light
Oh love, take what you need
When you can't breathe
I've also held that breath
Piece by piece falls your world on the floor
My heart feels the aftershock of each crash
Every tear that shatters on the pavement
Is a hundred of my own
Still, as the time rolls on
Impervious to the sonic wave of destruction
There is nothing to do, except feel

October 25, 2017

Heartache on the brain again
Feeling all the pain again
Passing through the yellow lights
Turning, slowing, dipping, going
Dark and cold and breath and home
Textures of tonight
Have you ever met someone so real, you think they're not?
They spin you in their bonfire sighs and addendumize your heart

Lovers in the window
A balcony room, watching from outside
Drop note lights, corner vine finds
Answers spoken by a friend
Pouring, raining inside
Do you ever meet a sight that stirs your heart?
Like magic right before your eyes
Like this is where it starts

These are the nights people write about
Citing the diamonds on each lamppost
Thing is, it's okay to cry about
Swing set, can't forget ghosts
Certainly there's certainty that you've got to turn the wheel
Decide which way to go
Darling, tonight we're truly real

Hurt and Strength

July 2, 2017

I left the memories you gave me on your front porch tonight
Stayed a while to sit with you and I
On that walkway of the first night's goodbye
How different was that time
I wish I missed you more

Driving away I can't say what I know
The moon tonight is yellow
And I let you go

June 2017 sometime

You're wordy when you're nervous
That's fine, because I clean up
And what will my mom think of hundreds of miles away?
Does it matter what my mom thinks if you're hundreds of miles away?

Messy thoughts

June 2017

Who are you and where did you come from
Why did you tumble into my world asking to be loved
Appeared in a highlight and I saw your soul
I think that I knew you before

I am you, just as me
Somehow
There's no expectations
Somehow
We gained everything
Somehow

You wake up in the dead of night
Ask me, did you feel that too?
I'll hold you til you give up the fight
Well I had the same dream as you

So I have many things and I'm
Low on my dreams
But your room has a mess same as mine
And you fascinate me
And you cause me to be
An impressor and a loser of time
And I envy your ways of thinking abstract
You make me not want to rhyme

August 2017

You've changed, I hope.
Not because you were bad before,
but because anyone who doesn't change is frightening.

July 2017

Is it me is it just a dream
I used to tell now it's hard to see
Rocks in my room are telling me
Wake up
Take your luck
You're here now
But I sleep
All I do is sleep
What does it mean
Is it because of you?

Rainy nights and sunset dreams
The stain of love on everything
My bad habit of playing pretend is catching up to me
Like last summer when I roamed around
My name on all the lips in town
I lost my sanctuary
It wasn't me

I'm not distracting myself from pain
Cause when I don't I'm still okay
I think I know I'm on the edge of my great and it scares me
So I'm unconscious til 3 pm
I want to wake up but I cannot end
My sleeping dreams are all my day can be

Is it me is it just a dream
I used to tell now it's hard to see
Rocks in my room are telling me
Wake up
Take your luck
You're here now
But I sleep
All I do is sleep
What does it mean
Is it because of you?
Is it because of me?
Is it because of us?
I think I need some sleep


Wake up, little girl
Nap time's over
Your mother's here and it's time to go
Wake up, little girl
Nap time's over
Your mother's here and it's time to go
Wake up, little girl
Nap time's over
Your mother's here and it's time to go

August 13, 2017

Mesmerized

I found a cloud to keep me company
since you told me you could not.
In the evening light reflected
he was vibrantly displayed
I watched him as I drove around,
the way I used to watch you;
drinking in all the changing features, mesmerized.
Taking out my camera, I tried to capture who he was
pink light spilling into the lavender sky
I stopped,  walking to find a better view
turning in my panorama to catch the sun's sinking rays
When I turned back to my new friend, he had gone
disappeared into the lavender sky
much like you.
I took those pictures because I have deleted all of yours.

Terrified.

On the before side -- May 2017

I am terrified.
Terrified that deep down, you are not
what is good for me.
Terrified. That you won't choose me.
That you won't choose us over you.
Terrified. Terrified that I will
ONLY WANT YOU
because I do.
But you won't want me enough.
Terrified that I want too much
and that is a cavern
that can never be filled.
By anyone. 
Am I more than the others?
I thought that I am.
But I guess this is the part where you


Where you what?
Leave me feeling terrified

?

sometime in April 2017

How many nights will be like this?
Saying goodbye instead of goodnight.


But he stays with me as long as he can
patiently staying as I pull him back
yearning for him to stay.
and he does, until I fall asleep.
and he will, until we both sleep
and I'm trying to wait patiently
until every night is goodnight.

Sometime in June 2017

A sonnet in iambic pentameter

He plays my heart in such a gentle way
With skillful fingers he plucks a new tune
Melodies lost before are coaxed and played
Sweet harmonies that represent the moon
Oh play, musician, with your sweet moon song
Provide your music, I will sing along

Flesh

May 2017

Our hearts are so intertwined
that to pry them apart would rip open my flesh
until all of my love bleeds out into him
staining him with the color of me
and leaving my own chest empty

May 2017

My heart is attached to his
My chest yearns for his
Sometimes I feel that I'm loving a man in prison
Waiting for his free self to emerge
I wish I could pull him out of his cage
Do I make a mistake by waiting?
Shouldn't I wait for the only thing I want?
If I had to let go, I would be

                   lost
                   lost
                   lost