August 2017

You've changed, I hope.
Not because you were bad before,
but because anyone who doesn't change is frightening.

July 2017

Is it me is it just a dream
I used to tell now it's hard to see
Rocks in my room are telling me
Wake up
Take your luck
You're here now
But I sleep
All I do is sleep
What does it mean
Is it because of you?

Rainy nights and sunset dreams
The stain of love on everything
My bad habit of playing pretend is catching up to me
Like last summer when I roamed around
My name on all the lips in town
I lost my sanctuary
It wasn't me

I'm not distracting myself from pain
Cause when I don't I'm still okay
I think I know I'm on the edge of my great and it scares me
So I'm unconscious til 3 pm
I want to wake up but I cannot end
My sleeping dreams are all my day can be

Is it me is it just a dream
I used to tell now it's hard to see
Rocks in my room are telling me
Wake up
Take your luck
You're here now
But I sleep
All I do is sleep
What does it mean
Is it because of you?
Is it because of me?
Is it because of us?
I think I need some sleep


Wake up, little girl
Nap time's over
Your mother's here and it's time to go
Wake up, little girl
Nap time's over
Your mother's here and it's time to go
Wake up, little girl
Nap time's over
Your mother's here and it's time to go

August 13, 2017

Mesmerized

I found a cloud to keep me company
since you told me you could not.
In the evening light reflected
he was vibrantly displayed
I watched him as I drove around,
the way I used to watch you;
drinking in all the changing features, mesmerized.
Taking out my camera, I tried to capture who he was
pink light spilling into the lavender sky
I stopped,  walking to find a better view
turning in my panorama to catch the sun's sinking rays
When I turned back to my new friend, he had gone
disappeared into the lavender sky
much like you.
I took those pictures because I have deleted all of yours.

Terrified.

On the before side -- May 2017

I am terrified.
Terrified that deep down, you are not
what is good for me.
Terrified. That you won't choose me.
That you won't choose us over you.
Terrified. Terrified that I will
ONLY WANT YOU
because I do.
But you won't want me enough.
Terrified that I want too much
and that is a cavern
that can never be filled.
By anyone. 
Am I more than the others?
I thought that I am.
But I guess this is the part where you


Where you what?
Leave me feeling terrified

?

sometime in April 2017

How many nights will be like this?
Saying goodbye instead of goodnight.


But he stays with me as long as he can
patiently staying as I pull him back
yearning for him to stay.
and he does, until I fall asleep.
and he will, until we both sleep
and I'm trying to wait patiently
until every night is goodnight.

Sometime in June 2017

A sonnet in iambic pentameter

He plays my heart in such a gentle way
With skillful fingers he plucks a new tune
Melodies lost before are coaxed and played
Sweet harmonies that represent the moon
Oh play, musician, with your sweet moon song
Provide your music, I will sing along

Flesh

May 2017

Our hearts are so intertwined
that to pry them apart would rip open my flesh
until all of my love bleeds out into him
staining him with the color of me
and leaving my own chest empty

May 2017

My heart is attached to his
My chest yearns for his
Sometimes I feel that I'm loving a man in prison
Waiting for his free self to emerge
I wish I could pull him out of his cage
Do I make a mistake by waiting?
Shouldn't I wait for the only thing I want?
If I had to let go, I would be

                   lost
                   lost
                   lost

Need

December 27, 2016

I need you.
What simple words carry a soul.
Beyond love. Beyond choice.
Willfully accepting the necessity.
To be loved is a heart. To be needed is a life.

December 27, 2016

You're gone.
I still live. I still move. But I do not fly.
I am not fully alive when my heart is absent.

An incredible sensation of nothing

December 27, 2016

An incredible sensation of nothing.
For when I am with you, I feel.
You provide happiness that could save a country
Excitement at the mere brush of your breath
You're inspiration for eternity and the warmth of home
With you I feel desperately needed
We are love. Plain and true.
You are the smell on my hands and the smile that matches mine.
So when we are apart my senses are drowsy
My hand is empty and my mind is full
Playing the rhythm of your heart in repeat
Trying, seeking for some rush of breath
That perhaps my endings may come alive once more
For when I am without you I feel
An incredible sensation of nothing