Summer Rain

 The first time I cut my hair short was against my will.

I was eleven.

It was the first time I felt fear about my appearance, and the first time I started silencing my heart from shame.

That year I cried in the basement and played in the summer rain.

The second time I cut my hair short was to make a wild decision for myself.

I was seventeen.

It was the first time boys were finally showing me attention, and the first time I fell in love.

I was desperately flinging my heart at anyone who would catch it, craving companionship.

That year I had my heart broken and played in the summer rain.

I have cut my hair short again, on a well thought desire.

I am twenty five.

I now know the names to my sorrows like I know the name of my haircuts. A blunt bob. Feathered layers. A shag.

I carry my heart with my now, as a guide and companion. It is the first time I can really hear its voice.

This year, I make peace with my body and write this poem while I play in the summer rain.

August 2, 2020

I thought I was a heartstring 

waiting to be plucked

I let myself carry melodies that were not of my design

I courted each musician, attracting them to my instrument

so of course, I got played

I didn't know what I  needed, I didn't know 

that real love was not finding another to craft his song with my soul

though innocent as my desires were

So when I heard another heart playing his own song

I tried my hand and set my own heart to tune

Love is not the binding of master to his craft

is is the instrument learning to play itself

it is the writing of your own masterpiece

joined by another original soul in harmony

both dancing all the while

https://wateringmysoulgarden.blogspot.com/2017/08/sometime-in-june-2017.html

River Stone

August 1, 2020

My father was a river stone

Embedded in its place

Not strong enough to step on

No arms made to embrace

He never learned to forgive the roar

of the water overhead

And lest I drown by his resentment

My heart for him is dead

The Negotiator

August 1, 2020

No negotiations 

You are mine, all my own

I refuse to relent for a moment's breath

for you are a treasure of the world, and have chosen me

I, the beggar

I, the fool

who can only grasp at the hem of your beauty

now the taste of such love has decimated me

and I can not give you up

When the breeze sends you chasing down a path off your way

I will be the sticking thistle embedded in your coat, unpluckable

I will be the stones under your feet

springing up to meet your step and liven you on your journey

while you seek the reflection of the stars in your eyes

and when others come, 

which they will,

to turn your head and catch the flower of your name

I will twirl you in my embrace until the world blurs

until there is none else but our spinning laughter

bouncing from one another's face

while our hot breath mingles like a kiss

I will paint my skin red and gold and walk proudly in the street

declaring how ardently my heart sings for yours

and knows no other song

only longing for You

I will meet the world, burning eye to eye and strength of limb

defying what is past, to demand my future:

That you are mine forever, 

my soul bound to yours

No negotiations.

Moon Beam

August 1, 2020

My darling is a moon beam

Dancing on the trees

Shining soft and lovely

Oh, let me be the leaves 

August 1, 2020

My love you are so tender

For so long you have been tough

Your world was always an ender

and now I say, enough

Lay gently to my bosom

Rest safe within my care

Release your pains, and all fears with them

I will make all right and fair

For you are the sweetest meadow

Your voice is summer rain

If you fall back into your shadows

I will love you out again

June 10, 2020

I did not make you an honest man

For honest was how I found you

And the honesty in you called to the honesty in me

I have tried to honor you, honestly

To love each part of you, raw

To see your person unfinished

In unearthing your fallibility 

You’ve given me space to peel back each sticky layer of my guarded walls

To show you my honest heart 

And still

You love me honestly

June 24, 2018

With the touch of you,
Soft presses on aching skin,
My ends come alive

June 23, 2018

Like the sea
The moon above
Pulls the waves in me

Feminine Heart

It’s been four hours on the phone
The second time this week
She whispers, maybe I deserve to be alone
As her heart crumples to her knees
Again

Because he’s taken everything
And left her with one
A heart too trampled to repiece
All her confidence undone

And she’s not the only one
To call me crying in this world
Do men seem to think it’s fun
To dry out the bones of a girl?
Wringing beautiful minds apart
Why do they abuse these feminine hearts?

It’s been twenty seven years
And she’s trying not to fade
Her only motivation is her children
Fighting to stay sane

So she kills herself working
For what he can’t provide
Cause while his rampage fills the table
She has always had to hide

And she’s not the only one
Trying to live with a broken man
With her dreams shattered in the bedsheets
Her love driven by demand
There’s too many walking ghosts
Who have forgotten their own art
Their bodies apologetic and bleeding
Locking away their feminine heart

I know too many women
Who have forgotten how to live
They still hope through their bruises
But something’s got to give
Where are the men who will rise up?
Who will take the greater part?
I still believe in the beauty
Of a precious, feminine heart

Through lies, pain, and mind games
She’s determined to rebuild
Only twenty, second time married
But what is broken can’t be filled
Through this new man’s good intentions
She’s struggling to trust
An injured love, prone to disbelieving
Looking for safety in the term “us”

At 2 AM my phone rings
I pick up on my part
She collapses, barely speaking
Another tortured feminine heart

As Lovers Do

june 21, 2018


so we do as lovers do;

and that is everything to it.